Saturday, June 23, 2012

To help better understand

     These are words from an addict.... I wanted to share with some of you the feelings that addicts of all kinds actually have. We are so quick to judge, to find fault when others stumble and fall, but how often do we try to change something in our own lives and fail miserably repeatedly? Does it not take time to change? Do we not get discouraged as we learn HOW to change?

     This was written by a man in the midst of this process....wanting you to understand.

    * " Ask me to what length I would go to have this problem taken from me. Would I move to the North Pole? Would I crawl across broken glass? These sound extreme, but I have wanted to change, perhaps for years....but I have no idea how to, all at the same moment. I will likely continue to try the same broken strategies again and again, hoping for a different result. Telling me to "just stop" probably wont mean much to me, because of myself, I have no idea what to do, and I'm scared that I've lost my opportunity for eternal life. If there is a way for me to escape this pit of despair, I want it."

     " Help me begin to see that there is a way to change. Ask me: What is the source of your power? I will  likely say, "Me", for I know no other Savior, despite the fact that I haven't been able to save myself yet. Who is smarter - you or Satan? I will likely say, "Me", for I have no other source of hope. Again, you will expect my understanding to match your that Satan has thousands of years of experience tempting millions of my brothers and sisters, but I am confused and stuck in a self - sufficient, self - deceptive mode of existence."

     " Help me to know that the Atonement is for me. Do I believe in the Atonement? Yes. Do I believe it is for me? No - I  have a long pattern of doubt or at least a sense that it's only for people who have done far less than I have or who have lived clean lives for much longer than I ever have. I  have a distorted view that the Atonement will apply to me only when I can deliver a long period of clean living to the Lord."

I have learned throughout my journey to support those suffering with addiction, that this is real. Whether or not it is an accurate feeling, it is real to them and they genuinely feel that they are hopeless and unworthy of not only changing, but of Gods love. My friends, we can Love unconditionally with out enabling. We can build up rather than tear down, and if we cannot do that, then we must get out of the way because then we become a hindrance to their progression.

To my friends suffering with addiction. YOU ARE LOVED. You are a CHILD OF GOD and His love for you NEVER diminishes. He has never left you and desires for your return. Through His Son is the key that unlocks the chain that so tightly binds you. Take that leap of faith, for what else do you have to loose?

*Letter taken from an anonymous source, from the book " He Restoreth my soul", by Dr. Donald L. Hilton Jr

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Teaching your children about sex

How many of you have ever thought, " Gosh, I wish my parents taught me differently about sex ". How many of you have actually gone about a different way of teaching the sacredness of a sexual relationship to your children? Through this journey, I have heard this above statement countless times. 

Being Christian,...not even that, being Mormon, sex is often a Taboo topic among its members. We hold sexual purity in such high esteem, that I think that we fear that if it is discussed too much that our children will explore that avenue and falter. I know that I was taught that sex was a sin unless you were married. It was a bad thing, and anything pertaining to or related to it was bad, and then all the sudden it was a commandment?! Luckily for me that didn't give me a complex like I have seen it give so many others. 

I do believe that this type of relationship is sacred, special, and should be within certain bounds. I believe that it should be held until you are married and that it should be between a man and a woman. Although my beliefs and understanding has grown with age and experience, how I wish my parents had taught me differently. I wish they would have told me things like how fun it  can be, that it strengthens your marriage and is a vital part of your relationship, that it binds you more greatly to your companion, that it isn't just for procreating ( having babies for those of you who are aren't word nerds ). 

We as parents, and those who are members of my church, we need to do a better job at teaching our children these sacred principles. I personally teach my children that a sexual relationship is like going to the temple. It isn't a secret, it isn't a big NO NO, it is just Sacred and that we should prepare ourselves until we are within the appropriate bounds. We look forward to the day we get to go to the temple, why can't we take that same approach. It is lovely, wonderful, sacred, special, fun, and O.K

I think if we can learn to take the "its bad" out of the equation and take a different approach, our children will have a healthier outlook, both mentally and spiritually, on sex and relationships both before and after marriage. There will always be temptation, and there will always be times that individuals falter, but I think we would see a difference in many aspects if we would take a different step towards teaching our children.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Parents of the Wilful and the Wayward

My thoughts have been turned towards the parents of the wayward recently. I am often humbled those who feel that I am in any way qualified to answer any of your questions regarding addiction. In all reality I am not. I simply go by what it is that I have experienced, my testimony of the Lords healing power, my studies, and the things which I feel the Lord has inspired me to express. I have recently been approached by parents for guidance, understanding, for that pat on the shoulder.....some comfort and knowledge that they are not terrible parents. For them, I post this today. This is what I have found...

"You parents of the wilful and the wayward! Don't give them up. Don't cast them off. They are not utterly lost. The Shepherd will find His sheep. They were His before they were yours- long before He entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as He loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fullness of knowledge brings the fullness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend.

The Prophet Joseph Smith declared - and he never taught more comforting doctrine - that eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the cause of truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or in the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father's heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God." Orson F Whitney

Boyd K Packer also taught, " The measure of our success as parents will not solely rest on how our children turn out. That judgement would be just only if we could raise our families in a perfectly moral environment, and that now is not possible. It is not uncommon for responsible parents to lose one of their children, for a time, to influences over which they have no control. They agonize over rebellious sons and daughters. They are puzzled over why they are so helpless when they have tried so hard to do what they should. It is my conviction that those wicked influences will one day be overruled...We cannot overemphasize the value of temple marriage, the binding ties of the sealing ordinance, and the standards of worthiness required of them. When parents keep the covenants they have made at the altar of the temple, their children will be forever bound to them."

I have not experienced the heartache associated with wayward children and can't fully comprehend what it is that many of you feel or suffer. The anguish you must feel so personally is beyond my grasp. I have however, seen loved ones in this circumstance, and have seen the healing power the Lord has. It is my testimony that  through our own faithfulness, through our own obedience to the Gospel, we are a form of salvation for our children. What I do know from experience is that when we give up on our loved ones with addictions, they to surrender and give up as well. We can place appropriate boundaries and still provide support and love. To the parents, I love you, my heart aches with you and for you, and it is my hope that you in turn can use this experience to uplift and support and provide hope for another in these same circumstances.

Monday, December 12, 2011


Have I adequately taken the time to tell you how grateful I am for you? That it is because of your example, your story, your willingness to open up to someone you didn't know very well, your desire to help me understand what addiction really is, is a MAJOR part of what I have come to understand? You spurred the change that is within me and helped me see that if I let the Lord help me He could change my heart, you helped me understand and SEE from the addicts point of view, you showed me there is more to a person than just an addiction and that that is not what defines an individual. You are a lovely woman both inside and out and the Lord has great things in store for you...... "for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart"......and you my friend truly have a heart of Gold! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am eternally grateful for you, and I think I got the better end of the deal!

Monday, October 17, 2011

"I make weak things become strong unto them"

" No matter what the source of difficulty and no matter how you begin to obtain relief - through a qualified professional therapist, doctor, priesthood leader, friend, concerned parent, or loved one - no matter how you begin, those solutions will never provide a complete answer. The final healing comes through faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and obedience to His commandments."
Richard G Scott

No amount of support from recovery groups, or loved ones, can or will bring you salvation. Other people may bless you and support you in your journey, but eventually you must come unto Christ Himself for true healing, recovery, and salvation. I spoke before of being " Broke In", which I believe is to come to him with a broken heart and a contrite spirit; Remorseful for our behavior, with a desire to change, and with the willingness to surrender ourselves to His guidance and will.

We are foolish to think we our doing well on our own, that the temporary relief of burden is met by confiding in another, and allowing another to shoulder a portion of our burden. Everlasting recovery comes through the healing power of the atonement, through the steps provided us, which if we dedicate ourselves to, along with the Lord, we will not fail.

" If men come unto me I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them "
Ether 12:27

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I'm Free

Wanted to share this beautiful song with someone who has struggled for so long and has taken such great lengths to change! In many ways, you are free!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Addiction Specialist

I was asked at my church to be the addiction specialist for this area. I am honored, yet humbled by this. Many who know me, know that this is an area that I study, this is something that I have had some experiences in, and is one that I feel strongly about. But at the same time I am a little overwhelmed. I am actually being faced with some of the desires of my heart, and I pray that I may be an instrument in the Lords hands in helping others overcome their addictions for it is through Him that change and repentance come. 

I look forward to this experience, yet know that it will be a challenge. One that will require much faith, and LOTS of guidance.  Man has the power to change with the help of the Lord. I hope that I can accurately show them the path and hope they choose to walk it.

Doctrine and Covenants 18:15 And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Broke In

The title to my post today has become one of my favorite sayings and ideas so far through this journey. It applies to so much more to addiction recovery and can virtually be used to govern our lives. 

As I was studying the subject of step number 3, surrendering our lives to our creator, i came across an analogy of a horse and how one "brakes" it.  It is something that requires time, patience and effort. But once done,  the horse will heed to the masters command and instructions and can be a great tool in his hand. Sometimes that horse is stubborn and fights to remain the one in control, leaving a wake of destruction and wild behavior in it's path....and sometimes, there are the horses that refuse to be broke in.

When I think of surrendering my life to my creator, I think of that horse being broke in. Not "Broken" or "Broke", but Broke In; Yielding to the masters hand, surrendering my struggle and fight to Him, allowing him to be the leader, to guide me along the path. What a beautiful concept. There is something beautiful that happens when a horse yields to his master, ceases to struggle against the rein and allows him to show him the way.

Are you Broke in, or are you still fighting against the reins? The master horseman is there to shape you into a greater tool, a greater you, a more majestic you. Become "Broke In"

Sunday, July 17, 2011


Time is a subject of great interest of mine for a while now. In the past, often thought of as something we are running out of, something that governs my day and schedules, and in some cases I have thought time has run out.  

As time has passed I have begun to realize that " TIME" is something I have for eternity. I don't believe it should be squandered or wasted, and in some aspects time is limited in certain events and circumstances, but in the grand scheme of things it is endless.

With time comes wisdom and understanding, maturity, patience and growth, change and the ability to change if that time is applied correctly. 

Time is something we need to allow ourselves and others to heal, whether it be physically, spiritually, or emotionally. 

Time is essential in recovering from addiction. Growth does not happen over night, but little by little; Line upon line, precept upon precept.  Reflect over your life thus far and where you are at. What has time allotted you to do? And what have you done with your time? What will you continue to do with your time? How can you spend it more wisely? Can you GIVE of your time? Can you give the needed time that the loved one you have with addiction needs in order to grow themselves? 

We have been given eternity to continue to learn and grow as long as we prove worthy of that blessing. If you wish to grow, we must allow others the same opportunity. Change doesn't come easily, but if allowed.....time can heal all wounds.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

He restoreth my soul

I had the privilege of hearing Don Hilton ( the author of the book I recommended) speak this weekend on the science behind pornographic and sexual addiction. He being a member of my church, also spoke on the healing powers of the Atonement and how through it, one can heal, can change, and ultimately can change the way your brain functions. So many do not realize the power of this addiction, or that it even is an addiction. And in addition to that, a majority of society fails to realize the necessity of the Atonement, and reliance upon the Lord in order to free ourselves from that bondage.

I know that many of my readers are not members of my church, but I would be foolish to proclaim healing, or growth or change with out the assistance and reliance upon the Lord. It is through him, through the power of Atonement, through His grace that we are able to change. Words which I heard many say this weekend, which I testify to myself is that I didn't fully understand the power or depths of the atonement until I walked through this journey with an individual who suffered with addiction. I have walked this journey with ones that I love; Some through all 12 steps, others still in the beginning of their journey, and one or 2 somewhere in the middle. I have seen the pain and the struggle, and I have also seen the Lord heal and change hearts, step by step, day by day, line upon line, precept upon precept, as the individual truly works and desires to rid themselves of addiction.

These are things I truly believe; I know in my heart to be true. I have always had a tender heart and much compassion for people. I love my fellow man. Many have found that to be a weakness that lies within me, but I find it a strength; Maybe even a talent or a gift. I know people can change, people can heal, and addictions can be overcome. I am so grateful for this experience this weekend. The spirit testified to me that these things are true. I learned so much more that I am eager to share. I am grateful that I have been allowed to walk this journey with others, to have greater understanding and compassion, and to use this knowledge to help others.

Once again, I recommend the book, " He restoreth my soul " by Donald Hilton. You can click on it from my blog. It is wonderful at describing the science behind sexual addiction as well as spiritually breaking the chains and healing from this addiction as well. You will not be disappointed you read it. 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Are you an enabler?

What is an enabler? The definition of an enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet inadvertently assists the person with the problem to persist with their 
detrimental behaviors.

For example, lets look at *Suzie's life. Her husband *Carl is an alcoholic and has been for over a decade. Embarrased by it, Susie covers for him when he is hungover. She may call in sick for him and lie and say he 
has some virus when really he is passed out in bed.

Then there is *Hannah and *Jim. Their adult son Michael has been a drug user since his early teens. Never good at managing money, now seems to always be on the brink of starvation, because what little he does seem to bring in is spent on his addiction. Not wanting to see him go without food, or power, or gasoline for his car to get back and forth to work, they dole out the money....knowing that most of his income  is spent on drugs.

These people are all unwitting victims. They are trying to help their loved ones. Instead they are actually allowing their loved one to keep acting out their detrimental behaviors. They are taking responsibility for the bad behavior themselves, instead of handing the responsibility right back where it belongs: in the hands of Carl, and Hannah and Jim's son, and thousands of others just like them. By refusing to get Michael out of a financial bind, by insisting that Carl calls in sick himself, they will begin to change the dynamics of their relationships with these people.

When an enabler decides to stop "helping", relationships invariably become difficult as the enabler becomes a target for rage, pleading, and emotional blackmail. This is the time to stand firm. It's not easy, but if you love your friend or family member, it is the best gift you can give them. Making them take responsibility for their actions is the only way that your friend or family member can begin to change their lives. 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Animal Assisted Therapy

This is ultimately something that I want to do!

" The phrase "troubled teen" is somewhat ambiguous, and can mean different things to different people. But essentially, it refers to a teenager who struggles with mid-level to severe emotional and behavioral issues. The teen may experiment with drugs or alcohol or even become addicted. The issues can be caused by any number of things, including an unstable or unsafe home life, or spending time with the "wrong crowd". Regardless of the reasons, a teenager who's emotional or behaviorally unstable can be a danger to himself, his family and his friends. Over the years, psychologists and counselors have discovered many effective treatment programs for troubled teens. One that is coming to the forefront is Animal Assisted Therapy - or the use of professionally trained animals as part of the counseling process.

Studies have shown that spending time with a friendly animal, even a short time like 10 to 15 minutes, increases the amount of endorphins that are released into the body and decreases the levels of a chemical called cortisol - which is a hormone that controls stress and arousal. Because many troubled teens are in a near-constant state of emotional arousal and/or stress, animal assisted therapy can help them feel calmer.

Most domestic animals also shy away from aggressive behavior. Animal assisted therapy can help a troubled teen learn that quiet, gentle behavior gets better results than behavior that is loud and aggressive.
Animal assisted therapy
Some people hear "animal-assisted therapy" and think that it means kids are simply hanging out with pets, but true AAT is a formal, planned program in which the teen participates. Interactions with the animal(s) are controlled, and are done for specific reasons. Facilities that choose to implement animal-assisted therapy typically conduct extensive studies and develop strict rules and guidelines for their programs. Far from being haphazard, these programs are focused and intentional, and often produce marked positive results.

Counselors have seen teenagers, even teens in juvenile detention facilities, that are unresponsive to the counselor open up and actually "talk" to a therapy dog or horse. Some are so overwhelmed by a therapy dog's unconditional kindness that they break down and cry. This kind of emotional breakthrough is vital in the treatment of troubled or at-risk teenagers, and allows the teen to begin moving toward emotional and psychological healing. "

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Is there really such thing as Sexual addiction?

Recently while discussing some of my research findings with a close friend, she asked, " Is there really such a thing as Sexual or Pornography addiction? I thought it was normal for all guys to do that kind of stuff".

I am here to tell you, YES! It is a real addiction, and NO it is not normal for Men or Women to participate in or view that type of material. Society would have you believe that it is healthy and normal, but God, AND science disagrees. 

Here are some links to help you educate yourself on this particular type of addiction, and how to help a loved one through it. I have many many more that are more in depth ( medically) and will be happy to send them to you if you are interested.


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Depression and Addiction

The old question of the chicken and the egg and which came first applies to this conundrum. Recent studies suggest that depression and addiction recurrently go hand in hand.

There is a strong correlation between depression and addiction and the problem is often approached in 2 different ways.
1. Some conventional psychiatric treatment procedures focus on treating depression as the root cause contributing to the drug or alcohol abuse problem, 
2. Others consider depression as a symptom typically revealed after a person gets addicted into substance abuse. 

As an addict travels along the ever descending road, whilst experiencing their high, they are in a euphoric state of mind in which they simply become numb to any sort of pain sensations, both emotional and physical. In most cases, addicts are in a worsening or poor state of health. Long-time drug and alcohol abusers also suffer from nutritional deficiencies. Therefore addiction is a progressive complication. 

Due to prolonged addiction problems, addicts face variety of emotional, social and physiological problems such as job loss, broken relations, and discontinuation in studies, financial bankruptcy, legal problems and many others, which lead to recurrent episodes of depression. So in one way or other, depression and addiction is highly correlated with each other, especially considering the consequences of addiction. 

Depression Often Leads To Relapse

Depression is a critical mental health condition that most frequently coexist with substance abuse disorders. If left untreated depression can hinder the addiction recovery process and may lead to relapse. On the other hand, an untreated addiction problem may also develop depression in the patient and consequently lead to relapse. Hence, this vicious cycle of depression and addiction needs to be recognized and requires simultaneous treatment. 

The ideal treatment must focus on the deepest root of the addiction and its consequences incorporating a thorough understanding of the relation between addiction, recovery, depression and relapse. The treatment must be based on a clear understanding of the bio-psychosocial model of addiction and depression. The fundamental principle of treatment will only be established by treating depression coexisting with addiction. The recovery plans need to address the administration of signs and symptoms of both depression and addiction. 

( Paul Courtney)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

counting days of sobriety

I laid in bed last night thinking about a conversation I had with an individual about counting the days of sobriety. The only method I am familiar with, or even really thought of was ..."You remain clean so many days, keep track of the amount of time, and if you slip up you start from scratch".  

What a disheartening and discouraging way of accounting for your progress and set backs. No wonder so many fall off the wagon, you cant ever see the progression. All you know is that you must scratch everything and start again from the bottom.

Imagine this chain. So much work has gone into cutting out the strips and placing each one together, each signifying something special. It finally reaches across the room, and now you must trash it all; All of it is worth  nothing, and you must begin again. How heart wrenching! How does one ever feel like they have accomplished anything?

Lets now take this same chain....Each day you carefully choose your paper, cut it out, you  may even design it, then you glue it on to your chain. Some days it may be a challenge, maybe you don't want to cut today, or maybe the color isn't right, but you still somehow make that link for the end of your chain.The next day something goes awry...for whatever reason, you mess up your link and you can't glue it on.

Is your chain completely ruined? Why is there need to scrap the whole chain for one ruined link? Haven't you worked so hard on those other links? Why shouldn't we count the effort and work and accomplishment that went into all those other links, just because we messed up one?

It is my suggestion ( thanks to this individual whom I conversed with) that we keep the good links, and trash only the links that we messed up. That way we see our progression, we see the hard work we have done, we see that we actually have accomplished something, and our chain is really a lot longer than we give ourselves credit for. With enough time, and enough practice, just maybe we won't screw up any more links, and our chain will be long enough to reach the moon.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

You Can Change

I believe that all mankind can change and better themselves. I t is usually us that doesn't allow them to, or give them the chance to prove themselves. Why try if we set them up for failure. I dedicate this to all who desire to change and better themselves. * you will have to scroll down and pause the playlist before you play the song.

There are days
You stumble and you fall
And sometimes through it all
You think you'll never stand again
There are times
When choices weigh you down
And bend you to the ground
That's a place that we've all been … but

You can change
You can turn your heart around
A brand new start can be found
If you'll only take one step
You can change
Wrap your mistakes in a cocoon
And let them die
And emerge a butterfly
You can change

Now it's time
To finally spread your wings
And soar to higher things
You know the limit is the sky
As you go
If you sometimes fail
When your spirit's frail
Remember you were meant to fly

You can change
Wrap your mistakes in a cocoon
And let them die
And emerge a butterfly

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Rock Bottom

Who came up with the idea that an individual needs to hit "Rock Bottom" before they are able to seek the proper help and recovery that is needed in order to overcome and addiction? So far, there is not an actual medical statistic showing that that is necessary or that it truly exists. 

Who defines what Rock Bottom is? I believe that it is an individual thing. For some it may be a near death experience, others the loss of their family and friends. There is imprisonment, court ordered rehab, and health related issues. Then there are those who are overcome with grief just from knowing what they are doing is wrong. For many, Rock Bottom is located in a casket, and  can not be returned from. 

It is my belief that we are much to blame, especially when it comes to our teenagers and young adult children, when we give up on those we love under the guise that, " well, they aren't going to change. I just need to let them hit Rock Bottom first."  We fool ourselves into thinking that they will come around on their own. In some instances I believe that to be true. Some desire a different path and change. Then there are many who don't see what they are doing is wrong and never do change......then there are those with the most powerful testimonies of change and recovery. Those are the ones with gratitude in their hearts for the individuals who guided them, encouraged them, and believed they could change. 

Please don't wait for your loved one to hit "Rock Bottom". Reach out and catch them, or steady them before they fall. If they fall hard enough, they may not ever return.

Friday, March 18, 2011

My Path

 I have always been one of those people who likes to keep things quiet, especially the bigger the "item" of topic is. I do it for various reasons, the biggest being the fact that I like to know that it is something that will actually happen, or that I will follow through with. I hate the repeat of the disappointment that follows telling individuals who come to me and inquire about it, that it didn't or will not happen, or that there are bumps in the road.Well, this time is different.

I have decided to make an announcement in a very public way, because this time I need the support and encouragement of others. This is a very big step for me, and feel like the more who are on my side the better. After all, this blog is about my journey towards addiction healing, and owning my own center.

My announcement,.....That would be.......

I have found an addiction counseling center that is for sale and that I am in the process of trying to acquire it. This is a hard thing for me to disclose. I have people here (in Texas) that I love, and it will be very hard to relocate ( no, I am not disclosing the location at this time). It is also a difficult thing to tell an employer..." hey, I'm buying a business. I don't know when, or if it is really going to happen, so just sit tight and stop worrying, because you will never find someone who is qualified to replace me ;}" In addition to that, it is a difficult thing to acquire.

However hard, this is the road I want to travel. Disappointment may come but it is a challenge I am willing to accept and work towards, even if the outcome is not as I desire. In that case, I will place it among the many stepping stones that line my path towards the final goal. I can use all the support and encouragement I can get.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

You find what you are looking for

Great words that have inspired me lately. It is my hope that I am quick to forgive and find the good in others. I cannot expect the same courtesy if I am unwilling to extend this saving principle.

“The greatest good we can do in helping others become what they can become will be to lead them to the Savior.” Todd. D. Christopherson

"Have you ever noticed that people can usually find whatever they are looking for? Look hard enough, and you can discover both good and bad in almost anyone and anything. Those who look for the good will find a kind and compassionate people—a people who love the Lord and desire to serve Him and bless the lives of their fellowman. But it is also true that those who look for the bad will certainly find things that are not so ideal.

We have a choice. We can seek for the bad in others. Or we can make peace and work to extend to others the understanding, fairness, and forgiveness we so desperately desire for ourselves. It is our choice; for whatever we seek, that we will certainly find" .Dieter F. Uchtdorf