Sunday, May 15, 2011

He restoreth my soul

I had the privilege of hearing Don Hilton ( the author of the book I recommended) speak this weekend on the science behind pornographic and sexual addiction. He being a member of my church, also spoke on the healing powers of the Atonement and how through it, one can heal, can change, and ultimately can change the way your brain functions. So many do not realize the power of this addiction, or that it even is an addiction. And in addition to that, a majority of society fails to realize the necessity of the Atonement, and reliance upon the Lord in order to free ourselves from that bondage.

I know that many of my readers are not members of my church, but I would be foolish to proclaim healing, or growth or change with out the assistance and reliance upon the Lord. It is through him, through the power of Atonement, through His grace that we are able to change. Words which I heard many say this weekend, which I testify to myself is that I didn't fully understand the power or depths of the atonement until I walked through this journey with an individual who suffered with addiction. I have walked this journey with ones that I love; Some through all 12 steps, others still in the beginning of their journey, and one or 2 somewhere in the middle. I have seen the pain and the struggle, and I have also seen the Lord heal and change hearts, step by step, day by day, line upon line, precept upon precept, as the individual truly works and desires to rid themselves of addiction.

These are things I truly believe; I know in my heart to be true. I have always had a tender heart and much compassion for people. I love my fellow man. Many have found that to be a weakness that lies within me, but I find it a strength; Maybe even a talent or a gift. I know people can change, people can heal, and addictions can be overcome. I am so grateful for this experience this weekend. The spirit testified to me that these things are true. I learned so much more that I am eager to share. I am grateful that I have been allowed to walk this journey with others, to have greater understanding and compassion, and to use this knowledge to help others.

Once again, I recommend the book, " He restoreth my soul " by Donald Hilton. You can click on it from my blog. It is wonderful at describing the science behind sexual addiction as well as spiritually breaking the chains and healing from this addiction as well. You will not be disappointed you read it. 

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Are you an enabler?

What is an enabler? The definition of an enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet inadvertently assists the person with the problem to persist with their 
detrimental behaviors.

For example, lets look at *Suzie's life. Her husband *Carl is an alcoholic and has been for over a decade. Embarrased by it, Susie covers for him when he is hungover. She may call in sick for him and lie and say he 
has some virus when really he is passed out in bed.

Then there is *Hannah and *Jim. Their adult son Michael has been a drug user since his early teens. Never good at managing money, now seems to always be on the brink of starvation, because what little he does seem to bring in is spent on his addiction. Not wanting to see him go without food, or power, or gasoline for his car to get back and forth to work, they dole out the money....knowing that most of his income  is spent on drugs.

These people are all unwitting victims. They are trying to help their loved ones. Instead they are actually allowing their loved one to keep acting out their detrimental behaviors. They are taking responsibility for the bad behavior themselves, instead of handing the responsibility right back where it belongs: in the hands of Carl, and Hannah and Jim's son, and thousands of others just like them. By refusing to get Michael out of a financial bind, by insisting that Carl calls in sick himself, they will begin to change the dynamics of their relationships with these people.

When an enabler decides to stop "helping", relationships invariably become difficult as the enabler becomes a target for rage, pleading, and emotional blackmail. This is the time to stand firm. It's not easy, but if you love your friend or family member, it is the best gift you can give them. Making them take responsibility for their actions is the only way that your friend or family member can begin to change their lives.