Wednesday, January 27, 2010

You are the reason I am clean today

A young girl introduced herself, "Hi, my name is....." and declared, "I am an addict!" Tears fell from her eyes, down her cheeks, off her chin and into her lap. She was a young girl beaten, and Meth had definately been the one winning. She had fallen into the absolute depths of despair and sorrow, clawing for solid ground, hoping that someone would take her by the hand and lift her from this place.

She recounted her history of drug abuse, her families rejection and inability to see that she was reaching out for help; hopeless and unable to help herself, wanting desperately to be set free from the chains that continued to hold her captive. Not knowing where else to turn, she came to NA with a story, and a small sliver of hope.

Others continued to share stories of failures and of success, many directed at her in the hopes of lifting her, encouraging her, giving her that small piece of solid ground she is grasping around for.

The one next to me is prompted to take his turn. He states, "Hi, my name is Bryan....and I am an Addict." He then pauses a moment, looks across at this hauntingly skinny girl, who's hair is falling out, eyes red from crying and declares, "You are the reason I am clean today."

" I remember that place....too well. I have lost everything! My wife, my children, my family, my home. No one wanted to support me, no one believed that I could or can change. I hated that place, I despise that place, I desired nothing but death to consume me for I could not bear the loss, the dissapointment, or the physical torment of withdrawing. You needed support tonight from others, but I needed you. I needed to be reminded where I never want to be again...where I never can be again because I won't survive it."

I begin to cry, realizing what had just happened and what had surpassed between this young girl and the man next to me. The strenght that each drew from one another, hearing and finding some things they needed to bouy them up and assist in keeping them clean one more day, realizing the importance and need for NA, for support groups, and the need to be understood by someone who has traveled along the same path.

My own tears are now flowing freely. I had witnessed a strength pass between two strangers; I had witnessed defeated men and women, I had witnessed a genuine concern and love for another,I had witnessed a brighter hope, I had witnessed a declaration and a desire to remain clean.

But the greatest was to witness this man declare," You are the reason I am clean today...and You are the reason I can Never go back!" This man is brother inlaw, and it wasn't long ago that he was in this young girls position; Lost, frightened, sick, and Alone...hoping for someone to lift him from that place and offer them a piece of solid ground to cling to.

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