Thursday, December 9, 2010

A note from the spouse of an addict

What am I supposed to say this time? Some days I am able to sit with you, hold you, love you, encourage you, remind you that things will get better, that you will get better. Then there are days like today. Days when I am so angry; The days I think you just wont ever get it, the days I want to tell you what an idiot you are and how you are destroying our family, how I pretend that I trust you but really don't, but fear that if you really knew how I felt you would give up and say, "whats the point, no one else believes I can, so why should I try".

When is enough, enough? When does one finally get to that point where they realize they must change? Change for themselves, not for everyone around them. I know that people can change, and I know that God can help them change. The hard part is knowing whether or not you really want to change.

I know there will be relapses, I just wasn't expecting this one. I am usually good about them, but today I am not. Today I am hurt, today I am angry, and today I am going to be honest with you and with myself. You are not the only one you are hurting. WE are hurting too, and much of OUR hurt is due to consequences of your actions. Love and support and kindness will come, but today I think I'm going to let myself grieve.


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